A Healthier, Happier You

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WHY NOT YOU? There’s no good reason why you should not be at your best life at any age. I’m currently on a journey to discover as much every day. So far, I think it’s doing a good job of playing hide-and-seek with me. Good thing I’m persistent and determined.

I too, am a checkout line magazine reader though it was my monthly home subscription to EBONY Mag that proved to be most instrumental in ELEVATE’ing my mind to the necessary level of refocusing on a healthier and happier me. Dr. Oz was instrumental in Melissa Johnsons piece on page 75 of the April 2013 publication:

Hypertension. High Cholesterol. Diabetes. These medical conditions plague our people in record numbers — in fact, they are so common, we tend to think in terms of when we’ll be diagnosed, not if. “That might lead you to believe they’re inevitable, but nothing could be further from the truth, “says Mehmet Oz, M.D., host of The Dr. Oz Show and a vice-chair and surgery professor at Columbia University.

You’re never too old or too young — to benefit from a healthy makeover, but don’t panic: You don’t have to jump into a strict diet and exercise routine to reduce your risk factors or improve an existing condition. The following lifestyle changes can help you get it together in your 20′s, 30′s, 40′s, 50′s and beyond.

The major food factor for hypertension is salt, says Dr. Oz. “Where salt goes, water will follow. Think of your blood vessels as a hose: the more water in the hose, the greater the pressure.”

Replace all that salt with flavorful mixed herbs– oregano, peppers and Indian blends. Another salt-free substitute: Capsiacin [based sauces, which add a spicy kick and provide a bonus benefit: "Capsaicin reduces your appetite." Capasaisin is found in chile peppers, the common ingredient in most hot sauces. Cut back on processed and take-out foods, opting instead for fresh food when possible.

"Ninety percent of the salt we eat comes from processed foods," says Dr. Oz. And watch your intake of the "salty six," common foods often loaded with extra salt: bread, cold cuts, pizza, poultry, such as chicken nuggets, soups and prepared sandwiches. Read the labels.

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Fight the pressure-elevating effects of sodium with this essential mineral. “Potassium and sodium compete with one another in your body,” Dr. Oz explains, “and eating foods with lots of potassium reduces the amount of sodium.” Avocados, bananas, oranges, potatoes and tomatoes are a few of the potassium powerhouses he wants to see in your grocery cart.

editation is a proven stress reliever, no matter how many candles are on your birthday cake. And for older adults who don’t exercise as hard as they used to, the ancient practice can help improve overall mental health, improve focus and reduce essential hypertension, a type of high blood pressure that tends to develop over time and has no underlying cause. It may sound easy, but meditating effectively takes commitment and focus. “People have a hard time letting their minds be free,” says Dr. Oz, who practices meditation himself. “For me it’s harder than running a marathon. You can daydream when you’re running, but when you meditate, you have to let your brain be quiet.”

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November 6th is fast approaching

YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH:
Election Day
By Reginald Hudlin & Denys Cowan
[transcribed top left to right]

Cedric: C’mon Jimmy, that whole Obama thing is played out. Why don’t you wear some Cross Colors while you’re at it?
Jimmy: I don’t vote because it’s trendy Cedric,. This is politics, not fashion. Stakes is high.

Cedric: I voted last time and things are still messed up.
Jimmy: The job doesn’t come with a magic wand. Folks are so disconnected from the political process they think our job as citizens is over once you vote. that’s where the work begins.
Cedirc: I got a job already.
Jimmy: We’ve spent so much time fighting the system we don’t know how to make the system work for us. That’s why I’m voting and making a donation.

Cedric: A what? Boy you out your natural born mind now. Give money? I’m not even voting.
Jimmy: You really think voting doesn’t make a difference?
Cedric: Not at all. Big money controls everything!

Jimmy: Ah, there’s strength in numbers. A collective voice. Its’ always a good idea to vote, volunteer your time and/or donate any money, even though big money is in control.
Cedric: If I can’t be a baller, I stay at home.

Jimmy: Do you know any rich people? I mean really rich people?
Cedric: Nope. Them’s your circles.
Jimmy: That’s right. I do know a few. All of them vote. Sure they donate, but they get up early and vote.
Cedric: Well that’s because they have money to make things go their way.

Jimmy: Not just rich white people, even poor dumb rednecks vote. The only people who think voting doesn’t matter are people like you.
Cedric: Watch it.. Now you getting personal.
Jimmy: As long as this country has existed they have worked hard to make sure we don’t vote. If it doesn’t matter, why bother?

Cedric: So what has all that voting got you?
Jimmy: So what has sitting on your ass got you?

Cedric: (faces the thought)

Cedric: Man, I don’t give A—
Jimmy: Stay classy Ced. for the kids.

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November 6th is the official day to hit the polls,
Unless you’re apart of the millions who put the early voting numbers on swoll.

I voted early, dating back 10 or so days,
So many of my ancestors fought for me to have a say.

I appreciate the blood, the sweat and the tears.
I appreciate being included in the voting process this year.

I’ve voted every opportunity since I turned 18.
Please don’t take for granted your right on the voting scene.

It’s not a trend it’s not a fad. It is a must that you speak your mind.
If you choke and decide not to vote – don’t complain about the countries bind.

Let me encourage you now, to not choke or go to coughin’.
GET OUT and VOTE! Not voting – is not an option.

Sitting there thinking there’s no candidate that shares 100% of your view?
Well guess what Jimmy, I’m going to ask you to choose the lesser evil of the two.
Do you think that’s something that you could decipher and do?

Get out and VOTE. The game winning point rests with you.,
I’m Qui
and you don’t have a choice but to handle the truth.

 

25 reasons from 25 people who are voting Obama:

[November 6th, 2012] The following reasons are from 25 different voters. Their stories are unique and relevant to the whole. Read a few and think about what reasons exists for you and then VOTE!

Today is ELECTION DAY
and it wouldn’t be the same without your say.

1. “The Affordable Care Act is saving my daughter’s life.”
Stacey, Arizona

2. “Obama is for the vets. He helped us wind down in Iraq, he’s improved mental health policy with VA benefits.”
Joel, Minnesota

3. “Obama stuck his neck out for us, the auto industry. He wasn’t going to let it just die, and I’m driving in this morning because of that, because of him.”
Brian, Ohio

4. “Osama bin Laden is dead, and General Motors is alive.”
Joe Biden, Delaware

5. “Supreme Court Supreme Court Supreme Court.”
Andrew, California

6. “Arithmetic.”
Bill Clinton, New York

7. “He cares for the 100 percent.”
Shana, Texas

8. “When Obama came into office, he successfully renewed our country’s place in the community of nations, making cooperation in tackling the world’s challenges possible.”
Willis, North Carolina

9. “The actions he has taken with respect to protecting us from terrorism have been very, very solid.”
Colin Powell, Virginia

10. “I was really very grateful to him for standing up for those kids who are having a really rough time out there because of their orientation.”
Jane Lynch, California

11. “For me, President Obama is our best choice because he has a vision of the United States as a place where we are all in this together.”
Bruce Springsteen, New Jersey

12. “He has a real plan for rescuing the economy that passes the ‘math’ test.”
Teresa, Virginia

13. “Having someone in office who understands how powerful our voice can be is very important.”
Jay Z, New York

14. “I am voting for Barack Obama and Joe Biden because I can trust them to care for the middle class and restore the American dream.”
Steven, Florida

15. “The first measure he signed into law after becoming president was the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act — so a female high school counselor or physical education teacher can fight for equal pay for equal work.”
Connie Britton, California

16. “I believe in the America he wants for my grandchildren.”
Nancy, Michigan

17. “We need four more years of repair, of helping the middle class achieve a sustainable economy.”
James Taylor, North Carolina

18. “I’ve watched him fight for our country, stand by the middle class, the working class, the military, the education of our children, universal health care, women, the environment, and matters of national and domestic security.”
Susan, Virginia

19. “The gifted 12-year-old I taught, whose parents were deported and left her here with her grandmother, will be allowed to stay and finish her education. She’s been in the U.S. since age one.”
Jamie, North Carolina

20. “I want our president to place scientific evidence and risk management above electoral politics.”
Michael Bloomberg, New York

21. “I have four children who are under 26 and able to stay on my health care plan. That’s been huge.”
Amy, Pennsylvania

22. “He’s fighting to defend and better Social Security and Medicare — because millions of Latino seniors rely on them.”
Cristina Saralegui, Florida

23. “Thanks to the President’s efforts to keep student loan rates low, I can expect to save nearly $1000 as I work to repay my student loans. And I don’t have too many of those, thanks to the Federal Pell Grant program.”
Sam, Minnesota

24. “It’s been wonderful to have President Obama as a champion for access to health care for all women in this country.”
Cecile Richards, New York

25. “Re-electing Barack Obama would lead to a stronger economic recovery than would be the case were Mitt Romney to win on November 6th.”
Jared Bernstein, Washington, D.C.

The 2-Minute Checkup

We don’t all have time to stop by the doctors office for a tighten and sway,
Perhaps we have time to peruse Ebony Mag‘s 2-Minute Check up today?

Q & A is rolling in:
Is diet soda a calorie building sin?

I constantly drink diet soda. Is it true that these zero-calorie drinks have been linked to weight gain?

There’s little direct evidence that diet soda –or the sugar substitutes in them — actually causes weight gain. Support for the idea that artificial sweeteners may alter insulin function or change the “food reward” system in the brain, however, is growing. Experimental data suggests that sugar substitutes promote increased calorie consumption by altering the communication between the taste buds and the centers in teh brain that tell us we are full, leading to increased cravings or defective calorie sensing. The counter argument is that people over consume diet soda because they wrongly assume that doing so means there are calories to spare (when eating a burger and fries, for instance). the bottom line is that the debate is far from over.

Here’s what we do know: If you overeat and don’t exercise, your weight will go up. Many people never touch diet soda and struggle with weight. So don’t look down in amazement at your growing waistline and blame it ll on diet soda.

Are food allergies inherited? My mother had a bad allergy to penas and it seems to now be hitting me at age 28.

Although food allergies can occur later in life, it’s more common to develop them in childhood. Research shows that siblings of those with food allergies are at increased risk, yet parental allergies may also be a risk factor. The primary strategy for managing these allergies is avoidance of the culprits, which is easier said than done; tree nuts are used in many food and nonfood products. Unintended exposure through cross-contact of foods must also be avoided. Finally, exposure to allergen-containing saliva may occur during kissing or utensil sharing, so be careful and always remember to tell restaurant servers that you have this allergy.

What causes fibroids, and how can I manage them? My periods are beyond horrible — I almost always have to take a day off because the cramping and bleeding are so bad.

Fibroids are non-cancerous muscular tumors of the uterine wall, and the causes can be varied. While your own hormones, particularly estrogen, can lead to fibroid growth, they don’t actually cause the tumors. There are a number of risk factors, however, that predispose women to fibroid tumors, including family history, young age at first menstrual period (younger than 10 years old), obesity and race. In fact, Black women are two to three times more likely than White women to develop fibroids.

The classic symptoms you describe, heavy and painful menstrual periods, are heavy and painful menstrual periods, are more likely with fibroids larger than 4cm. In fact, fibroids can be so large that they push on the rectum or bladder and cause constipation or urinary difficulty, respectively. They can also lead to reproductive problems, causing infertility and adverse pregnancy outcomes. Many women experience relief of symptoms at menopause (in the absence of hormone replacement), since fibroids tend to shrink at this time.

Schedule a visit with your gynecologist, who will want to examine you and perhaps perform an ultrasound. Depending on your age, the size and location of the tumors, and your plans to become pregnant, your doctor will lay out the options for treating your symptoms. This may require surgery or a minimally invasive procedure.

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Dave Montgomery, M.D., PhD, is a board certified physician, health coach and EBONY’s Special Contributing Editor, Health. Web: davemontgomerymd.com.
Illustrations by: Daniel Krall

I don’t drink diet soda but I do crave a Dr. P every now and then.
I do have food allergies against iceberg lettuce – my health sin.

I did have fibroid tumor issues — likely because I’m black.
It’s a cultural medical issue – can’t play the race card on that.

Medical Science – today is duly on my side
Now if only I could rid the extra pounds from my leisureful hide…

I’m working on being more fit. Keeping my metabolism up is rough,
I’m Qui 
Sharing these concerns with you via this quick 2-Minute Check up.

The VIEW of a Happy Sister

Gotta Love Sherri Shepherd and the man that makes her happy. Are you still watching The View? If you’ve been missing it – now is a good time to DVR it. They are currently running reruns and I was able to catch Barack and Michelle Obama during their separate visits to the couch.

But let’s talk Sherri Shepherd and Lamar Sally, (her husband of a year now). Aren’t they cute? This month is their 1-year anniversary. Ebony Mag spoke with her recently and reports this:

s a little girl Sherri Shepherd would sit in front of two TV sets with her grandma — one tuned to a soap opera, the other to The Newlywed Game. It’s no wonder she’d grow up to be the hardest-working sister in TV; recurring guest appearances on 30 Rock, a spin on Dancing with the Stars. Heck even, her own wedding was broadcast last August on Style Network. Currently, Sherri 45, does double duty as co-host of The View and as host of The Newlywed Game. The Game Show Network’s modern take on the classic program showcases three newly married couples from diverse backgrounds who face off in a series of question rounds. During each segment, a spouse attempts to guess his or her mates answer to questions about their relationship, ranging from the first time they met to the details of their love life. The couple scoring the most points wins. “I get to have fun,” Shepherd said in 2010 when she landed the game-show gig. “I’m not going to be arguing with anybody about whether we should pull the troops out of Afghanistan.” As she and Sal celebrate their one-year anniversary this month, we thought the time was right to ask this newlywed a few questions:

The Newlywed Game has its share of blush-worthy-moments, yet seem unflappable.

Shepherd: I am absolutely unflappable … sometimes the answers are so stunning, I have to laugh. ONe man answered that his wife should stay home, have babies and do the dishes. I was so shocked, I had to walk over– in my flip-flops because I take off my six-inch heels when I’m standing — and hit him over the head with my cards!

Do you and Sal ever play the game at home and answer the questions?

Shepherd: We never play the game at home. … I don’t wan tto konw which of my three girlfriends Lamar would like to get with. Yuck, and creepy!

The questions are hilarious. Do you help write them?

Shepherd: We’ve got great writers who do very well without me.

Are you still in the honeymoon stage?

Shepherd: It’s difficult to stay in the honeymoon stage with a 7-year-old who constantly jumps in the bed with us. We try to keep a spark, but it seems as if every time we kiss, Jeffery bursts in the room and gives Sal a look that says, “She’s mine, dude!”

How do you think you two would fare as contestants on the show?

Shepherd I think we’d fail miserably… and leave the show saying, “I can’t believe you said that wasn’t Aunt Janelle’s real hair!”

What life lesson have you learned from hosting the show that you’ll apply in your own marriage?

Shepherd: Laugh a lot, have a sense of humor and treat each other kindly. That will outlast everything.

What’s the craziest question you’ve ever asked a couple?

Shepherd: “If hubby had to make an adult movie with one of his wife’s girlfriends, who would it be?” And the classic, “Where is the weirdest place you’ve ever made whoopie?”

Awwww. What about a touching moment between you and your new husband?

Shepherd: Valentine’s Day was coming. I gave Sal a certificate to a spa and he never mentioned anything to me. I was on ‘The View’ on February 14th feeling very blue. Whoopie [Goldberg] kept asking me what Sal did for Valentine’s Day, and I was trying to put on a brave face as I evaded the question. All of a sudden, the lights went low “My Girl” started playing, and there was Sal in a tuxedo with roses in his hands singing the song to me. I burst into tears, because Sal doesn’t do in-front-of-the-camera stuff. So for him to step out of his comfort zone to serenade me [was] priceless. He had my heart.

How might you celebrate your anniversary?

Shepherd I’m surprising Sal with a trip to a remote island. Between the sun, the pina coladas and the atmosphere, hopefully, I’ll come back pregnant!

We wish Sherri well! It’s good to be happy.
Sherri looks great with her ‘Main Squeeze Daddy’.

I don’t keep up with her as much as I should; to stalk is to be lame.
Thus I missed the break-out news about her hosting The Newlywed Game.

All the same she is still gaming – as well as co-hosting The View,
I’m Qui
Happy like Sherri & ENCOURAGING you to be too. Ooo!

DANCE IT OUT

Sherri & Sal get down at their wedding reception.
Check ‘em out!

You are ONLINE – Forget about PRIVACY

Do you Facebook?

Remember that old MJ jam, “I always feel like somebody’s watching me“? Well, if you’re online, the chances are highly likely that someone is watching you. Even if its just the cookie snatchers. Cookies are all that are needed to identify you and your habits, where you shop, what you eat, what kind of illnesses you’ve been battling, (because you researched symptoms & remedies online), your fashion tastes are known, as well as your fondness for HIGH TIMES Magazine. YES. Ye ol’ PRIVACY as you knew it back in the ’80′s [and before] is virtually inexistent.

Recently I was reading one of Kevin Chappell’s RADAR reports on The Fight To Guard Your Privacy Online and thought this would be the perfect topic to share with you. I know you wonder about it [your privacy], especially now that you have Facebook. Right? Well it just means your intuition is awake. So read on and check out what Kevin has to say about it. He offers great tips on how to TAKE ACTION with Search Engines and GPS tracking, (you know, that little “location” feature that often shares your geographical position in the world, when you post a comment or something). Ha! What privacy.

T’S NO SECRET:

The more ou do online, the more information you leave behind. And nowadays, since most Americans do quite a bit on the Internet – from social networking and e-mailing to booking flights and banking – we’re all leaving digital footprints tha allow our most personal information to be accessed by strangers.

“Our privacy laws have not kept up as technology has changed the way we hold information.”

That’s why a coalition of privacy advocates and businesses is urging Congress to update electronic privacy laws, many of which were written before the Internet even existed. The movement is called dotRights, a catchy term that speaks to developing a clear national standard for protecting an individual’s personal electronic information.

“The Founding Fathers recognized that citizens in a democracy need privacy for their ‘persons, papers and effects’,” the ACLU said in a statement given to a Judiciary subcommittee. “That remains as true as ever. But our privacy laws have not kept up as technology has changed the way we hold information.” While opponents of more stringent privacy laws cite access to electronic information as a way to guard against national security threats, privacy advocates say we should limit the government’s power to tap into civilian lives. Following 9/11, unprecedented power was given to the federal government when the Electronic Communications Privacy Act (ECPA), signed into law in 1986, was weakened by provisions in the Patriot Act (which grants the government a nearly limitless right to examine your affairs if it feels you might threaten national security.)

The Obama administration recently proposed the Consumer Privacy Bill of Rights which provides extra protection on top of the current ECPA laws. If enacted, the privacy bill of rights would give Internet users the right, among other things, to control what data is collected, and how it is used and shared. Studies have shown that African-Americans tend to be more concerned about Internet privacy issues than Whites.

TAKE ACTION

Search Engines

[THE ISSUE]: Most engines record your searches, keeping record on you and your searches for months, or even years. They use this information to create a profile about you. While they say the profile is used mainly to customize your search experience and provide you with relevant advertising, some sell the info to companies and give it to the government. In 2009, Google released data after having received more than 3,500 requests from law enforcement.

[THE ACTION]: Put pressure on the search engines to institute policies and legislators to pass laws — including The Consumer Privacy Bill of Rights –that allow users to use search engines without compromising personal information.

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GPS Tracking

[THE ISSUE]: The prevalence of mobile phones with GPS technology means every Ameican is, in essence carrying a portable tracking device that can be used to reveal his or her current and past locations. The Geolocation Privacy and Surveillance Act was introduced in the House and Senate to protect location privacy. The bill requires law enforcement to get a warrant based on a probate cause before accessing location information, and also regulates the use of this information by businesses.

[THE ACTION]: With location-tracking cases increasing, the legislation would provide a clear national standard for law enforcement. At present, the bill is stalled in Congress. Supporters of the legislation should write their congressperson and encourage passage.

Kevin Chappell is a literal reporter for EBONY magazine,
and between search engines and social sites – your identity has been seen.

Privacy doesn’t exist, and can unmask you at anytime.
I’m Qui
and I’ve embraced bigger brothers power online.
He’s nosey.

ICE-T on The ART of RAP

It’s still lunch time in the life of RAP MUSIC and while reading Ebony Magazine [July 2012], I came across a caption that read, “Where’s the beef? Finally, a documentary focusing on the process of Hip-Hop”.

Sounds interesting enough. It caught my attention – so I read on:

t would be a mistake to consider Ice-T’s first foray into the world of the documentary as just another hip-hop film. it’s different: It doesn’t care about beef’s or why so-and-so broke up or which rapper doesn’t like such-and-such. Rather, “Something From Nothing: The Art of Rap discusses the elements of hip-hop, how rhymes are made and how rhythms are born.

Musicians, hip-hop aficionados, and casual fans alike will appreciate Grandmaster Caz and Eminem’s description of how they make their rhymes and why they select the words they do. Rakim, Q-Tip, Immortal Technique, KRS-One and other granddaddies of rap explain their inventions. Here’s what Ice, now 54, had to say the latest endeavor, which is in theaters now.

“If your favorite rapper isn’t in it,
he ain’t in my address book.”

Why do this film?
Hip-hop started to dilute itself and [became] pop. I know I couldn’t get my point across in an interview or in a record I always wanted to direct movies. It was for me to interview my peers and break down what rap is to them and why it’s an art form that needs to be respected. It took two years to get everybody on film. Our only goal was to get it to Sundance. Now it’s coming out in theaters.

Although there are many big names in the movie, some are conspicuously absent, most notably, many rappers in today charts.
I didn’t interview anybody I didn’t know. All the people in the movie came out of my address book. This movie isn’t about seeing your favorite rappers; It’s more about seeing my favorite rappers. If your favorite rapper isn’t in it, he ain’t in my address book.

You’ve been in the game for a long time.
If you’re 18 now, then when I started on Law and Order: SUV, you were 5 years old. You don’t know about N.W.A. You don’t know about RUN-DMC. But there’s always that person who knows me from “Cop Killer” or gangsta rap, but it’s beautiful because that’s one of the reasons I’ll always be Ice-T. Even as an actor, I want people to know, I think that’s why Queen Latifah kept the Queen [even though she's now primarily an actor]. I’m Ice-T till the wheels fall off.
[--ASG]

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I haven’t seen the documentary yet, though please believe I will within the next few days.
I’m a connoisseur of GOOD HEAD and for too long “sufficient rap” has been on-the-stay.

It used to speak to my mind and occasionally speak to my soul
and made me feel that WORDS were a pleasure to behold.

But nowadays, the radio’s constant rotating play
Is lack luster, a dream buster – yielding loads of verbal nays.

I eventually ditched the lyrics and opted for the instrumentals instead.
Then I realized I was missing the heart of proactive verbs in my head.

So I began to free style, constructing my own bars in Griot,
I’m Qui
and now that the documentary’s out – I’ll happily fare the reel ‘GO’.
Ice-T has the GOOD HEAD —>ya know?

Turning Molehills into Kilimanjaros

She’s always “in her head” like me.

Stop worrying – Yo!
What are you? A wheat packing Virgo?

It was five minutes past her son’s curfew when “Angela” glanced at the clock. When she called her 16-year old son, Derrick, on his cell phone and got his voice mail, Angela’s thoughts went straight to a scary scenario: What if Derrick ran the car off the road and he’s dead? And some looters stole his wallet? And they can’t identify him, so they don’t know to call me? And he hit someone’s car, that person died, too, and the family is going to sue us, so now we’ll be broke and childless?

We can dismiss Angela’s thoughts as crazy–or we can admit that we have all had moments when our imagination spiraled out of control. Psychologists even have a name for it: catastrophize, you may live or work with someone who does.

Although it sounds like a harmless quirk, it can cause a lot of anxiety, wasted energy and drama. A few years back, I gathered some ideas on catastrophizing from a former professor of mine, Karen Reivich, Ph.D., author of The Resilience Factor. I used those ideas to create a four-step plan you can use to rein in your thoughts before — and even after — they nose-dive into negativity.

Let’s begin::

Catch yourself in the act.
When you’re feeling anxious notice what you say to your self. When that thought first hits, ask yourself, “And then what will happen?” Keep asking yourself that question until you unearth your greatest fear. Bingo–that’s your worst-case scenario.

Once you spot your big fear, ask yourself, “Are my thoughts helping me or hurting me right now?”
Forcing yourself to stop and answer the question can help you see the urgency of changing your train of thought.

Snap out of your spiral by imagining the opposite:
What’s the best-case irrational scenario of what’s about to happen? This is actually fun. For example, imagine that your teen is late getting home because he stopped to help a car-accident victim; your son then saved the man’s life; his wife gave your son a lottery ticket to show her gratitude. Lo and behold, he won a million bucks! He['ll be home in five minutes with the good news. Irrational? Yes, but much better than the dead-with-no-ID scenario you had a couple of minutes before.

What's most likely to happen?
You've now cleared the way to tell yourself what's most logical: "My son lost track of time, his cell phone battery went dead, and he'll be home in a few minutes. Oh, and he'll be in trouble too." In fact, that's exactly what happened in Angela's real life scenario.

Of course, bad events sometimes befall us, but writer Mark Twain put it best: "I've lived through some terrible things in my life-- some of which actually happened." So rather than obsessing over miseries that may never arrive, use that vivid imagination to design a future that's worth moving toward.

[Ref: Ebony Magazine -- by Valorie Burton -- A certified personal and executive coach and the founder of The Coaching and Positive Psychology]
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I kid Virgo’s; They’re perfectionists and usually attractive on the spot.
Unfortunately, for the Virgo, they tend to worry a lot.

I however am a Leo and I too can worry a great deal.
I’ve been known to build a mountain out of a tiny molehill.

My ability to worry is mine alone, (even when I’m being stealth).
Thus this piece isn’t all about you – but about me and myself.

Don’t be catastrophizer. No need in thinking the worst,
I’m Qui
Hoping to better myself, for everything that it’s worth.

The stress of “the wild guess” – has got to go!
There’s no need in Turning Molehills into Kilimanjaros.
Think of a new scenario!

Is Marriage still relevant?

Asking such a question will yield you varied results depending on who you ask. ‘He said, She said’ - Going to the chapel is a huge life decision.

So it’s almost June and a lot of us can be fairly certain that at some time during the 30-day period, we’ll be dressed to the nines, craning our necks during Wagner’s Bridal Chorus,” enjoying an open bar and doing the Electric Slide. Still, marriage rates have been declining for a decade. EBONY asked men and women across the country if the institution is becoming obsolete or whether it’s as valuable as ever.

Does marriage still matter today?

HE SAID…
The institution of marriage has not changed; however, people’s mindset has drastically changed. For example reality stars including Kim Kardashian and her 72-day marriage, Snooki becoming pregnant without being married and the women on the popular Housewives shows have influenced the young generation. It is not surprising that people would not see the significance of marriage.
—Roland, 45 Los Angeles

A good marriage allows a man to productively focus his sexual energy on one woman. That way, he can concentrate his other creative energies to be successful in his career or business. I personally believe that the lack of a healthy and enduring marriage is one reason that so many Black males are not on par with other males (White, Asian or Latino) in terms of career, business or financial achievement.
–Tony, 48, Dallas

I’m married with kids, but I think that if not obsolete, marriage has become less important for African-American men. Our women aren’t demanding more. They are settling for part-time or temporary relationships that end in emotional discord. Most men will take the path of least resistance, especially if there are no demands placed on them by the women they date.
—Ivan, 50, Atlanta

I have tried to [be a] role model for a marriage that is a lot of fun and that’s a desirable activity. Many men don’t advocate the positives of being married. Like they say, “The squeaky wheel gets greased,” and I think more of us happily married men need to get SQUEAKY.
—B.J., 35, Washington, D.C.

I plan on getting married and enjoying all of the personal, professional, social and financial benefits of my relationship with my future wife and our children, but not until I further secure my financial stability for the long term.
—Rodric, 31, Scottsdale, Ariz.

and then

SHE SAID…
The actual deed of getting married shows how serious we are about our promise to one another. The commitment only begins to look less valuable when people enter into it like a dating relationship. If we’re only making this commitment until one of us gets mad, why bother?
—Camesha, 35, Los Angeles

Marriage is becoming less valuable because people do not want to make long-term commitments anymore. Spending the next 50 or 70 years of your life with one person is going to take commitment and work, and some people are not willing to work at it. Couples have to invest time in each other, going on retreats, for example. Most of all, they have to work at forgiveness, trust, being accountable and overlooking the faults of their spouse. Before a couple seals the marriage covenant with “I do,” they have to decide in their hearts and minds that divorce will not be an option.
—Darla, 47, Radcliff, KY

I’m not sure if I want to get married. Nowadays, I want a committed relationship with someone who loves and respects me and has his own home, where he can sleep two or three times a week. The goal isn’t for me to be married; it’s for me to be loved and to love someone. If the relationship leads to marriage, then fine. If it doesn’t, that is okay as well.
—Shannon, 43, Washington, D.C.

I am married to my wonderful husband of 10 years, and neither of us would have it any other way.
—Tamira, 35, Orlando, FL

I have come to believe that most people want to be married, but no one wants to be miserable. Therefore, I strongly believe that relationship readiness skills need to be a core part of social curricula in school, church, and most certainly in the family. I’m a single christian woman who strongly believes in marriage. I look forward to making a connection that leads to a life commitment.
—V. McLeod, 50+, Savannah, GA

[Ref. Source: Ebony Magazine]

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My personal story is one you already know.
I’m still with my HS Beau & Love is like woah!
I still love him madly. He still makes me laugh.
We span 2 decades through much and less cash.
The key is to laugh!

Keeping a commitment is easy – even though I’m from a divorced home.
I was born the second child of 4 – my life is not one of lone.
And so here I am, no fan of “marriage” but of “being in love”.
I do believe my guy was made-for-me. A gift from the man above.

Because I am not easy to deal with. I am no escalating crystal stair.
There’s much more to satisfying me than getting my nails done & hair.
I’m a picky eater and the house must be cleaned as so!
I’m adventurous in travel and have a knack for going to and fro.

My mate is no easy push over, regardless of what you’ve heard.
However, he is sweet on me, and is an awesomely tech-skilled nerd.

Did I jump the broom? I did — over 2 decades ago,
I’m Qui
A believer in commitment — … aka that marriage show.

He’s a bad mother… [Pt.2]

(Continued from Pt.1) Perhaps that is why Jackson speaks his mind so freely and could give an ish what you think. Like many Black males conditioned by the harshness of American racism and poverty, there was nothing, except for his vivid imagination, that told Jackson who he has become was remotely possible. Or that a Barack Obama could be president.

Yes, like much of Hollywood’s A-list, Jackson supported Obama for president in 2008, but don’t expect any over-intellectualized rationale about his decision: “I voted for Barack because he was Black. ‘Cuz that’s why other folks vote for other people — because they look like them. That’s American politics, pure and simple. His message didn’t mean to shit to me. In the end, he’s a politician. I just hoped he would do some of what he said he was gonna do. I know politicians say shit; they lie. ‘Cuz they want to get elected.”

But what does Samuel L. Jackson think about the President now? Jackson blinks off into space, to the photos on his dressing room wall of different periods of his acting journey. Yup, he is just getting warmed up — and very clear about what he wants to say on the record: “When it comes down to it, they wouldn’t have elected a nigga. Because, what’s a nigga? A nigga is scary. Obama ain’t scary at all. Niggas don’t have beers at the White House. Niggas don’t let some White dude, while you in the middle of a speech, call [him] a liar. A nigga would have stopped the meeting right there and said, ‘Who the f*#! said that?’ I hope Obama gets scary in the next four years, ‘cuz he ain’t gotta worry about getting re-elected.”

In many ways Samuel L. Jackson is in Hollywood but not of Hollywood. He is really of the older Black men who sit on milk crates on America’s street corners, unfiltered observers and commentators of their world, their anger muted by a natural-born comedic timing that frames a history of pain and suffering.

“I’ve said to White Hollywood folks, ‘First thing you need to understand is, I am a nigga. I’m a nice guy, but there are certain things that go ‘click,’ and I become that guy y’all really worry about at night. ‘Cuz that’s really who I am.’ I learned how to live in two worlds. That’s my whole life. that’s why y’all hire me. I am genuine. I bring something genuine about that type of guy who scares White people they can safely watch on-screen.”

Those two worlds for Jackson, mean we know him as a bad dude, but he acknowledges he was a bookworm as a kid, one who played trumpet and flute in his high school band, was an A student and, by his college years, equally digested the sounds of Motwon and rock ‘n’ roll rumblings of Cream and Jimi Hendrix. Jackson has been everything from a nerd to a hippie to a radical to a beloved pop-culture icon who everyone wants to get next to.

It was that kind of cultural diversity and real Black man poise that won him the role of Jules Winnfield in Quentin Tarantino’s now classic 1994 film Pulp Fiction. It is Sam’s signature role on-screen, and it redefined what a bad Black man was in the tradition of Stagger Lee and Bad Leroy Brown. In the Jules character, Jackson was a swashbuckler, hero, villain and all the personas he pretended to be as the only child in love with motion pictures in Tennessee. And he hasn’t slowed since.

But I do need him to slow down enough to explain his excessive use of the word “nigga”:
“Nigga became a part of my vocabulary when I was born. How so? Because it was used on me in my house, often, ‘Nigga, you crazy?’ My mom, my grandmom, my granddad, my relatives, my neighbors. I know the word nigga as an admonishment, and endearment, a criticism and an invective. So I use it; I don’t run from it. I don’t have an issue with it or who says it. I always put it in the context of how it was used on me.”

An aside: I was hesitant to bring up his father because, when mentioned at the beginning of the interview, Jackson looked a bit uncomfortable. Like far too many Black boys, Sam had no real relationship with his dad. Saw him once, briefly, as a child, then not again until he was a grown man and a father himself while with his little girl, Zoe, in the early 1980′s. He was on the road doing a theater piece and happened to be in the Kansas-Missouri area where his dad was living. “And there was my father, back home living with his mother…

————————————————————————————————

So many Black men don’t know their fathers and have grown up to be just swell.
They drew knowledge from the village that loved them & from watching Uncle Samuel L.

Mr. Jackson is indeed a bad mother and he makes cultural waves without stall.
It seems those Jacksons are into being “BAD” and knocking stereotypes “OFF THE WALL”.

There’s nothing like living life as a for real’a,
and finding comfortability with that dubious word “nigga”.

I’m comfortable. Always have been. I didn’t make the word up.
I also didn’t participate in its burial or societal cover up.

Samuel L. Jackson is indeed a filmmakers asset,
I’m Qui
Tho if you really want to see him step it up – put LaTanya in script on set.

Suze Orman knows Money

Ultimate Money Tips
Suze’s new book outlines Financial DO’s and DON’Ts

I don’t know about you, but finances is one area I keep a close eye on. Listening to Suze ever so often helps too. Even though I’m not the chief financial officer around here, ‘I ought to be’, because I can not stand debt. Lucky for me, my guy hates it just as much, so we avoid it like the plague. Unfortunately for us, we’re currently in debt valley because of the last 3 years of recession, however, rest assure this time next year we’ll be sharply on course to hit the exit ramp. While reading EBONY Magazine, I came across Suze in her element: MONEY.

Suze’s the finance guru whose resume includes popular television shows, several best-selling books and a diverse portfolio of financial resources. But don’t think Suze Orman juggles it all at one time. “I believe multitasking is the ruination of perfection,” says the money expert whose latest endeavor is her own prepaid debit MasterCard, The Approved Card. Orman, who was born on the South Side of Chicago, is now a multimillionaire who has “seen it all” financially. The straightforward advisor notes that in todays challenging times, the unemployment rate in the Black community is almost double that of the national average. “[There are] many people living in poverty today [through] no fault of their own,” she says. “They lost their cars. They lost their homes. They lost everything. Why? Because they lost their jobs.”

There are also those of us who have money woes simply because we aren’t good stewards of our money. Whatever the case may be, Orman says there is no financial situation so bad that it can’t be fixed. She shares with EBONY five money tips some of which are in the updated version of her New York times No. 1 best seller The Money Class.

STAND YOUR TRUTH “in [many] African American families, when one person starts to succeed and starts to make money, [he or she] tends to [want to give] money [to relatives]. The problem with that is, [he or she has] $25,000 of debt on credit cards [and is] barely making it but gives $300 or $400 a month to the family. “Tell [your family and friends], ‘I’ve been putting this on my credit card because I just wanted to help you, but I can’t help you anymore because I don’t have any money’.”

LIVE BELOW YOUR MEANS but WITHIN YOUR NEEDS Stop spending money you don’t have to please people you don’t like, Orman says, explaining what it means to find this financial balance. “Below your means’ is making a commitment not to spend every last dollar you take home. ‘Within your needs’ requires that you make a clear-eyed assessment of what exactly you were putting in that category.”

FACE IT TO ERASE IT Orman suggests facing your financial situation head-on. This means knowing how much you make, how much you owe and to whom you owe it. Orman says in The Money Class’, “Know your FICO score. If it’s below 700, you have some work to do. …you have just taken a giant step toward getting honest. Do not panic. Do not beat yourself up and do not give up. Making those numbers ‘work’ for you, is in fact the basis [for your financial future].”

TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY YOU’RE MAKING Discussing how much you make brings about healthy dialogue and confidence to ask for raises or other monetary benefits. “Rather than operating in this secret, silent tomb of money… start to give a voice to who we are and what we have. Sometimes you are being so underpaid for the job that you are doing. Someone who’s sitting in the cube next to you [could be doing] half of what you do, making twice as much, and you don’t know that because we don’t talk about money.”

BEWARE OF QUICK FINANCIAL FIXES Orman says that money quick fixes, such as payday loan, aren’t just loans that accumlate interest; instead, they roll over every 30 days and become new loans. For this reason, she says it’s better to stop the costly cycle before it begins. “Your payday loan outlet has got to be x=ed out of your [financial] option. If you are in a situation where you have a bill that you need to pay, it is better not to pay the bill at all than to take a payday loan to pay [it].
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Born and raised in Texas – for the most part my finances were sunny
but in the face of the recession I had to relocate to make any money.

The offer to make any money did not come swift or quick;
Unemployment reigned hard and survival was the daily trick.

We didn’t move in with momma and we didn’t call on dear old dad;
We did scrape and save every tangible dime we ever had.

Unfortunately there was a repossession but no blatant foreclosure in our face –
at least not before a job offer yielded us opportunity to move out of the state.

I don’t do payday loans. I can’t borrow money at 400%,
I’m Qui
watching my money closely – which is hard to do if the money’s spent.

Slow down & Count!